Unspoken
by Callea
Summary: After getting kicked off Serenity for breaking River's heart, Jayne finds himself in a situation he wasn't exactly looking forward to. RiverJayne, Rayne


Category: Drama/Angst

Warning: Not a feel-good piece; violence and grown-upish themes and language

Notes: This is a follow-up to Cricket's fic Mistakes based on the bunny by jynnantonnyx28. I thought it was a great fic and a great follow-up idea.

Summary: After getting kicked off Serenity for breaking River's heart, Jayne finds himself in a situation he wasn't exactly looking forward to.

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Jayne strode down the dusty street o' some backwater planet, trailing three well-armed, shorter men. The two directly in front o' him were ruffians just like him, hired guns who weren't paid fer their smarts. They were purely the muscle, and although they weren't as big er as fast as Jayne, he knew he coulda been worse off than ta be runnin' with the likes o' them… even if the shorter one was dumber 'n had a temper shorter 'n Jayne's own.

At the lead of the pack was their capt'n, Curt, a lanky, red-haired fella who was raised near the core. He had more fancy schoolin' than most in his trade. He was also what Jayne would consider a "dork". The guy had a real complex about it too. Tried to act bigger an' badder 'n he really was. Only reason most folks put up with him was the three men tailin' him. Only reason those men put up with him was that they was just smart enough to know they weren't smart enough to run the op themselves. Three muscles didn't work with no brains.

Jayne was the last of the group to pass through the doorway of the empty bar where Curt had arranged to carry out the transaction. The deal was that they get the goods from the smugglers inside, and then hand over the coin. After the goods were safely aboard their ship, they'd take 'em back to the buyer and get their payday. Curt, however, had other plans, plans that involved keepin' both cuts.

As Jayne's eyes adjusted to the dim lighting inside the musty building, he just barely made out the shape of a tall man in a long, brown jacket. To the man's left stood a beautiful, but dangerous looking, all-too-familiar, Amazonian warrior woman.

"Oh, cao wo," Jayne cursed.

He shoulda known he'd eventually run into 'em. 'Verse weren't big enough not to, not in their line o' work. The good jobs were too few and far between lately, and every group o' brigands was scramblin' over the bodies of the last group ta get their own cut.

Jayne figured he was bound ta end up working a job either with or against 'em sooner or later. He just didn't expect it ta be quite so soon, and he'd hoped like hell it wouldn't be _against _'em, especially not trying ta put one over on 'em like he was plannin'.

He'd be foolin' himself if he even entertained the notion that, on their best day, he and his new cohorts could take Mal's crew. Jayne's new capt'n had book smarts, which usually substituted well enough for street smarts, but Mal had some of the former and a whole heap of the latter. Also, unlike Curt, Mal wasn't easy ta get riled up. Mal had a better crew behind him, too. Zoe was a better shot than eiher o' Curt's other two hired guns, and though Jayne didn't know much about Mal's new guy, he knew they had somethin' no other crew Jayne would ever ride with could have: that gorram moonbrained, mind-readin' girl.

He'd told that girl once she was gonna be the death of him. If today's events played out the way he knew they were gonna, he might turn out to be right after all, as close as Jayne usually got ta bein' right anyway. She was, after all, the reason he was, at this moment, standin' on the wrong side o' Zoe's gun barrel on a deal that was about ta go south.

Hell, Jayne figured he'd already gotten eight extra months o' livin' anyhow. He was damn lucky he'd only got his self booted off that boat 'stead o' a bullet between the eyes for sexin' up the ship's little albatross, letting her fall for him, and breakin' her heart.

Without him meanin' to, Jayne's eyes scanned the room for her. They found their target not far behind Mal and Zoe.

Seemed like she weren't even payin' attention to the deal. Damn girl was wanderin' around aimlessly, wearin' a pink sundress and a bright orange flower in her hair. He rolled his eyes. Weren't that just like her? Lookin' all innocent, cute, and completely harmless when she was all manner o' deadly. That girl could take all four of 'em out with her bare hands then walk out without a scratch on that pretty, porcelain skin.

He watched her tiptoe around the room, right hand trailing over random objects... cups, candle holders, pool cues. She passed by unheeded by everyone except Jayne.

His eyes took in every inch of her, traveling down her body and stoppin' at her feet. Black combat boots. A pang of disappointment swept through him at not seeing her bare feet gliding over the cool stone like he'd watched 'em do countless times over the steel of Serenity's cargo hold floor.

The memory of those soft soles sliding over his naked legs and wrapping around his body as he moved inside her flitted through his head. He missed her feet.

River stopped. Her head jerked up, and though she didn't look toward him, Jayne swore he saw her biting her lip. "Ai yah!" Jayne growled and gritted his teeth. She'd heard that. Last thing he wanted was for any o' them ben dans from Serenity knowin' he wasn't doin' more 'n fine since they booted him. Didn't need ta give 'em the satisfaction o' knowin' he missed anything about 'em... even if that somethin' was just gettin' his rocks off on a regular basis.

Jayne made an effort ta pay attention to what Mal was sayin', notin' the familiar tension in his voice. It was the tone Mal got just after he realized a deal was about ta go bad.

Jayne found himself unsuccessful in his attempt to ignore River as his eyes fell back to her. He watched her straighten her shoulders and stride toward the tall man standing to Mal's right, her gaze dancing over the man's form as she closed the distance. Jayne had barely seen the guy before now, but he quickly fixed a scrutinizing glare on him. Jayne huffed. This was the guy they replaced him with? Sure he was as tall as Jayne, but a bit scrawnier and not nearly as intimidatin'. He was at least ten years younger, and he weren't even holdin' a real gun. Looked almost like some fancy Alliance go se . He even had some silly gadget strapped 'round his waist. Jayne snorted. This guy was almost pretty enough ta give the Doc a run fer his money. Jayne would bet good coin that the two o' 'em got along real well, too.

Jayne's face sunk into a deep scowl at the thought of this guy being on good terms with the Doc, havin' his blessings to pursue his little sis. Even if Jayne had declared undyin' love fer River, the Doc never woulda accepted they was together. None of 'em woulda. They never woulda seen him as good enough for her.

Jayne remembered the disgusted looks the others had given him when they'd found out he'd been sexin' River. They'd glared at him like he was a lecherous, perverted, old man, like he had no business puttin' his filthy hands on her pure, high class skin. Every one of 'em looked at him like the thought made 'em ill. Even little Kaylee.

Jayne was growing very uncomfortable with the tightening feeling in his gut. He balled his hands into fists and clenched his jaw. Weren't fair that some bu zhong yong little hun dan prob'ly had a red carpet rolled out for him on his way ta River's bed.

Jayne tried but again failed to draw his eyes away as River reached the object of her intense gaze. He watched her press her body against the other man's back, close her eyes, and rest her cheek on his shoulder blade.

Without risking a glance in her direction, the man reached back and gently rubbed her hip. "Not now, baby," he muttered.

Jayne gritted his teeth until it felt liked they'd shatter then growled toward his captain, "Curt, can we get this over with already?"

"Shut up, Jayne," the wiry, red-headed man spat back.

Jayne kept his voice low. "Trust me, this ain't a bunch you wanna get on the wrong side of. Just stick ta the deal and let's get outta here."

"I said _shut up_ , Jayne," came the heated reply.

"I think you oughta listen to yer man, Curt," Mal answered with his hand hovering nearly unnoticeably over his holster.

"Why's that?"

"'Cause for once in his sorry life, he knows what he's talkin' about."

Jayne bit his tongue against any retort and found himself once more staring at River's delicate body still plastered up against some other man. The subtle, warm curves of her body were molded to his like they belonged together, like Jayne had never existed, never meant a thing ta her.

Jayne waited for her ta look at him, ta see in her eyes that she was just toyin' with him, tryin' to make him jealous. He waited several painful seconds, hoping to see proof that he wasn't so easily forgotten and replaced, that he still meant something ta somebody.

River never looked.

Jayne watched her squeeze his replacement tighter. He saw her soft lips place a kiss against the man's back.

Jayne remembered how she'd tried ta sneak kisses in on him, how'd she started out kissin' him just like that. It hadn't been long 'fore she started goin' fer his cheek. When it got ta that point, he'd had ta start pushin' her away. Yet it seemed the more he pushed, the harder she tried. Twice, right after they'd got done sexin', and he was too exhausted ta put up a fight, she'd managed ta get one in on the lips. The second time it happened was when Jayne realized it was time ta end the whole affair. Yet as the months had passed since, he'd been thinkin' maybe them kisses hadn't really been so bad.

Jayne's face softened slightly with concern and hope when thought he saw a tear creeping out the corner of River's eye. Maybe she did still love him after all. If Jayne really thought about it, and he had many times in recent months, that might be somethin' he could live with, somethin' he would _like_ ta live with. Jayne allowed himself ta hope just a little that the dreams he had about her, the dreams that kept him up at night, had a chance at becoming reality. Maybe they he could have what he'd so foolishly given up. Maybe she'd give him another chance.

Knowin' he wasn't likely ta get the opportunity ta ask her ta forgive him out loud, he did the only thing he could think ta do. He did his best ta focus his thoughts on her, ta tell her how stupid he'd been and how much he missed her. He hoped she was listening.

His eyes never left River's face as he waited for some sign that she'd heard him. For a moment, her eyes squeezed shut tighter, then they opened slowly to meet Jayne's inquisitive gaze. The corners of Jayne's mouth began to form into a smile, the first innocent, genuine smile that'd graced his features in a long, long time. Then he saw the sadness in her eyes and the slight shake of her head.

She was choosin' the other guy.

All traces of a smile melted off Jayne's face. His vision went white.

Without a second thought, he lifted his weapon and fired straight at the other man's heart. In that moment, Jayne watched River's mouth fall open and her eyes fill with horror and heartbreak.

Bullets erupted around them. Everyone dove for cover.

Jayne emerged from his daze and jumped behind a crate. For several moments, all he could see was the pain in River's eyes as he'd pulled the trigger. Jayne didn't fire another shot. At least, not at Serenity's crew. Instead, to their great surprise and horror, he fired on his own.

When the gunfire ceased, Jayne closed his eyes, dropped his weapon, and allowed his head to fall back against the crate. He waited for the inevitable. He'd broken River's heart once eights months ago, and now he'd done it again. In his jealousy and rage, he'd stolen her happiness with a single bullet. He was a horrible man. He knew he deserved what he got.

He opened his eyes when he heard a gun cock. River stood over him, still looking soft and innocent in her pink gown. He could almost picture her dancing 'round the cargo bay, gettin' in his way as he tried to stash the latest goods.

The tears streaming down her cheeks and the gun in her hands shattered his illusion.

He locked his eyes on hers. "Ya gonna kill me?"

The barrel o' the gun lowered a bit as her shoulders dropped. "What do you want from me, Jayne?"

He wanted her ta love him. All those months ago, he didn't realized how much he'd miss havin' someone care about him the way she had. Before her, he didn't think he could miss any woman besides his ma. He wanted ta hold River, ta wrap his arms around her and comfort her.

He didn't move.

He dropped his head. "I don't know."

She closed her eyes and lowered the weapon. He barely heard her choke out a whisper. "Goodbye, Jayne."

Jayne's eyes followed as she moved to rejoin the rest of the crew. He expected ta hear somber voices and see Mal 'n Zoe pickin' up a dead body, instead he heard the sound of a young man crying out joyfully,"Bao bei , it worked!" The tall man with the weird gun and funny gadget on his waste rushed over and scooped River into his arms. "Did you see that? That was awesome." Jayne stared in disbelief as the boy pressed a kiss ta her lips. The damn kid wasn't dead after all. Jayne knew he oughta feel relieved, but that did nothin' ta remove the tight feelin' in his gut. Jayne felt his heart sink lower as the kid went on cheerfully. "It was just like I said. It only stopped the bullets for a second before it failed, but it was all we needed to find cover. Maybe if you and Kaylee help me with it, next time it'll last even longer." The boy's huge grin faded as he set River on her feet and noticed the trails down her cheeks. "Baby girl, what's wrong?"

Jayne watched her sob and bury her face in his chest.

The kid wrapped his arms 'round her and comfortingly rubbed her back. "I'm fine, River. All of us are fine. Please don't cry. Everything's okay."

At that moment, the boy must've realized he had an audience. He looked over at Jayne, who hadn't made any attempt ta move from his position next to the crate. When the boy glared at him, Jayne figured it must've sank in that River had just come from his direction "Who's that?" he barked at Mal.

"He's nobody," Mal answered. "I'll take care o' him. You just see ta River."

The boy continued strokin' her back as he watched Mal make his way ta Jayne.

As Mal stomped toward him, Jayne reached for the gun he'd discarded at his side. He wasn't about ta let Mal kill him without a fight now that he knew the boy was perfectly fine and capable of "seein' ta" River.

Jayne didn't have time ta get ta his feet 'fore Mal drew his weapon. Jayne raised his in response.

Mal stopped in front o' him, gun barrel aimed downward at Jayne's head. "Give me one gorram reason why I shouldn't shoot you right now."

Jayne knew there was really no good reason fer Mal ta let him live, besides the fact that Jayne was in a position ta make sure Mal quickly followed him into the afterlife. "Doubt there is one," he answered.

Jayne's muscles tensed as he waited for the shot. When Mal lowered his gun slightly, Jayne let out the breath he'd been holding.

"Just this once I'm gonna forget that you tried ta kill one of my men, and I'm gonna pretend it had nothin' to do with him an' our 'tross bein' together. As much as you hurt that girl, it'll hurt her more ta see ya dead. I don't wanna be the one ta do that to her." He cocked his gun. "But don't think I won't. So don't let there be a next time. You stay away from that girl, dong ma?"

Jayne gritted his teeth and glared hard at Mal. Finally he nodded and lowered his weapon. Mal followed suit then turned and walked away without another word. Jayne longed to beg the capt'n to let him back aboard, to plead for forgiveness. He'd never had it as good as he had on Serenity. Hell, he probably never would again. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Jayne watched as the boy put his arm 'round River's shoulder to guide her away. As she walked through the door, River turned ta look at Jayne. Knowing it might be the last time he ever saw her, hr took in every detail: her black combat boots, the velvety skin of her thighs, the billowing fabric of her dress as it whipped around her legs, her delicate fingers and dainty arms, the slight curve of her hips, her slender waist, the silky, dark hair that trailed over her shoulders, her soft and slender throat, her delicate lips and tiny nose, her tear-stained pink cheeks, and her dark, endless brown eyes.

She turned to away.

"River." The word came out before Jayne even realized he'd thought it.

When she turned back to him, he thought fer a moment that she was about ta break free from the other man's arms and run in his direction. Then, the look in her eyes changed to a questioning one.

His mind screamed at him to utter the words, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry fer what I just did, fer what I did eight months ago, and fer not havin' searched to the very end o' the 'verse ta find you and apologize before now. Please take me back. Take me back, and I promise I'll never hurt you again."

Jayne's eyes darted away from River's. As much as he longed to say those things, something inside him just wouldn't let him to do it. He hated whatever it was.

He watched River turn and walk out the door. He waited until she was completely gone from view before closin' his eyes and lettin' a single tear escape one corner. Jayne knew when he'd first started messin' with that girl that he might break her heart. He never imagined he'd break his own.

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Here's what the Chinese means (at least I hope it's what it means):

Cao wo - fuck me  
Ai yah - damn  
Ben dan - idiot  
Go se - crap  
Bu zhong yong - no good/worthless  
Hun dan - bastard  
Dong ma? - understand?


End file.
